…And still I dream he’d come to me;
That we would live the years together.

But there are dreams that cannot be;
And there are storms we cannot weather.

I had a dream my life would be,

So different now from what it seemed,
Now life has killed the dream
I dreamed.

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This cracked me up…

A quote from the article on Yahoo! News, “Romney faces scrutiny on aid in storm’s wake”:

As has been shown time after time — especially as tornadoes and hurricanes rip through politically conservative states — even the sturdiest tea party supporters become fans of government when it’s doling out money to storm victims for motel rooms and other temporary housing or helping with house repairs.

LOL!  Hypocrite much?

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The truth is… I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart… and I never really got it back.

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I grew up in a family where appearances were everything.  Thank-you notes, sitting on your left hand so that it did not stray onto the table, greeting people at social gatherings, all that crap…

My daughter got married this weekend, and most of my in-laws and immediate family came in for it.  I was raised that manners were the be all and end all.  My eldest has taken up smoking cigarettes (which I am not crazy about), so at one point, my mother was asking where she was…  I knew she was out smoking but didn’t want to say so.  So I went looking for her, found her and then N tried to hide that she was smoking from me.

I went out to where N was smoking to let her know that her guests were asking about her, and she tried to hide the fact that she was smoking from me by turning her back to me and handing the cigarette to her cousin.  I finally had to say, “I know you’re smoking, so let’s not play games…”  Then I told her that people were asking for her, and she should get back in to her guests.

Apparently, her friends felt that my behavior was “cunty.”    I was raised that there are certain social conventions that you should follow in certain social situations.  And if you don’t follow them, you aren’t a “worthwhile” person.  That’s the behavior I was raised with. Funny thing is that now, my mother seems to think that it is ok for my kids to ignore the social conventions I was taught are necessary.  At the same time, my mom will complain to others that my children have not been taught these conventions and do not follow them, but I have taught them, they just choose not follow them.  But in my parent’s view, it is my my fault that the rules aren’t followed.

So I spent this weekend feeling like an ill-mannered, graceless cunt*.  How are you?

* Sorry for the extreme cursing, but that is how it was presented to me…

At the same time, my kids tell me that I am mean, old-fashioned and apparently “cunty” for expecting them to follow these politically-correct behaviors.

I can’t win.  My parents view my childrens’ behavior as a representation of my skills as a parent, but if my kids don’t listen to me or follow my rules, that is my fault too.  I just try to make my kids follow the same rules I did as a child, but apparently that is now wrong… I don’t know how to make everyone happy but it is what it is…

Lucky me, right?

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Just prayin’ now…

Got a call from the recruiter on Friday regarding the interview I had on Thursday.  The manager “really liked” me and “wanted to make a full-time offer” to me.  Now I am scheduled to meet with the Plant Manager, the recruiter and the HR team on Monday, and supposedly, to receive a job offer.

I’ve been down this road a few times now…  I’m expecting, based upon what I’ve been told, that the interview with the plant manager will just be one of those, “Ok, I can tolerate your presence, we’ll hire you…” type of things.  Then HR will make me agree to have my background, legal record and bodily fluids checked, and once I’ve jumped through those hoops, I’ll be hired.  Please God, let me be hired.

Now, I have to worry about when my start date will be, will I be a direct-hire or temp-to-hire and when can I expect my first paycheck? And I know I’m so blessed to have this kind of opportunity, but the timing, with N’s wedding, family coming into town, summer coming up (and the daycare and vacation challenges that presents), is stressing me out.

I know I’m lucky to have problems of this type, but I’ve never really negotiated “my needs” when accepting a job offer before.  I’m kind of nervous. I’m sure it will all work out out in the end, but I’ve always been a worrier…

Please pray with me.

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To do?

Ok, so I’ve got a lot going on right now…  Many dates upcoming that I’m not sure how I’ll deal with.

  • March 30th – last day on my current contract
  • April 15th – Taxes due
  • April 24th – N’s Bridal Shower
  • May 1st – Money for wedding needs to be deposited
  • May 26th – N’s Bachelorette Party
  • June 1st – N’s Wedding

To do (before entire family arrives on or before May 29th):

  • Find a job
  • Get dresses for H & K and myself for bridal shower
  • Arrange for tuxes for DH & P for big day
  • Buy gifts for shower, party and wedding
  • Make sure travel arrangements are in order for maternal grandparents
  • Do taxes
  • Find $$ to deposit into wedding account
  • Get rid of nasty living room furniture
  • Paint living room
  • Replace living room/dining room/stairway flooring
  • Replace living room/dining room furniture
  • Paint kitchen
  • Gut and replace bathroom
  • And the list just goes on, … and on, and on…

Somebody should just shoot me now.

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The week from hell…

Oh what a week it has been…

If you live in or around Northeast Ohio, you are feeling the shock and pain of the past five days.  If you have kids of high school age, those feelings are particularly acute.  Monday morning, N called me at work to ask where “Chardon” is.  Since she works for a local grocery chain and has moved around to several of their locations over the past few years, I thought she was asking because she was looking at a transfer to that area.  ”No,” she said, “there’s been a school shooting there.”

My first reaction was, “In Chardon?”  We have family friends that live there, and Chardon really is the last place you would expect to hear a school shooting had occurred.  It is the type of small town that picture postcards are made of, with a picturesque town square and rural setting.  It’s biggest drawback is that it is a bulls-eye for the lake-effect snow that rolls into NE Ohio every Winter.  Of course, our first concern was that our friends’ children were safe, and they are.

Unfortunately, as Monday and Tuesday wore on, we would find that 3 high school students had lost their lives due to the shooting.  It’s kind of like Columbine, you’ll carry those images with you forever.  Especially this time around since I had a kid sitting in a local high school while this was going on.  And since Columbine, we’ve seen horrible images and situations that you don’t want to picture, particularly in your own backyard.

On top of that, every screwed-up high school student in the area felt the need to pull a copy-cat incident, so we have spent the entire week hearing about student arrests, school evacuations, aggravated murder charges, calling hours and the possibility of paralysis for the one student who remains hospitalized. Even with Columbine and the Virginia Tech shootings, I’ve never really been afraid to send my kids to school before now.

And it’s hard to find a balance between not wanting to scare the shit out of your kids and at the same time, impressing upon them the importance of reporting threatening, strange or unusual behavior to an adult.  Add to that, teenagers think they are a breed-unto-themselves and know so much more than the rest of us, and it’s like spitting into the wind.  Maybe, one of them will listen and go to an adult if they’re worried but better chance that they’ll just try to handle it on their own because they’re so sure that they can.  And as a parent, there’s only so much that you can do at this age.

Beyond that, my contract at work is running out at the end of March.  Supposedly, I’ll have something else to move on to, but the economy has been so bumpy, I’m afraid to count on that.  Plus, my combination of experience, skills and education is esoteric enough that I’m not seeing much interest in employers that have positions that are a good fit and a challenge too.  It’s frustrating.

Right now, life in general is frustrating.  I’m up against my usual role of being the bad guy in disciplining the kids.  DH is a wonderful father, and the kids love him to death, but he’s a worry-wart and a push-over.  So I spend most of my parenting time being the “bitch,” the one who doesn’t care and the one who garners little, if any, respect.  It gets old.

Ok, enough whining…  At least for tonight.

Posted in Difficult Memories, Life & Times, The Family | Leave a comment

The Best of All Time…

OMG!  I have found the BEST Super Bowl Commercial of All Time tonight.  My vote totally goes to the Ferris Bueller, Honda CR-V commercial.

Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ksQWxlaUAg

Yes, I am a hopeless 80′s freak, but there are worse things in life.

Posted in Cool Places & Things, Life & Times | Leave a comment

When you wish upon a star…

Make sure you’re very specific,

Otherwise, the ex-boyfriend you WANT to call you for the holidays, won’t,

But the ex-boyfriend that you DON’T WANT to call you, will.

And that really kinda sucks…

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